With closed minds,
with closed hearts,
we are all at such a disconnect.
Disguise your demons
Pretend they're angels
But, they're not going anywhere.
There's no facing the light if you don't get through the darkness.
Model: Caitlin, @cbooda
Somewhere in NJ
Wonderland isn't so wonderful.
Reality will begin to haunt you and your illusions will begin to suffocate you.
Break free from your illusions.
See through it all and come back.
Exploring the Pt. Pleasant boardwalk / NJ
Model: Melissa, @beauty_nightmare
Somewhere between living and dying,
where nothing makes much sense,
where emotions get the best of us.
We can begin to live again....
Only if we just... let go....
"The desert and the ocean are realms of desolation on the surface.
The desert is a place of bones, where the innards are turned out, to desiccate into dust.
The ocean is a place of skin, rich outer membranes hiding thick juicy insides, laden with the soup of being.
Inside out and outside in. These are worlds of things that implode or explode, and the only catalyst that determines the direction of eco-movement is the balance of water.
Both worlds are deceptive, dangerous. Both, seething with hidden life.
The only veil that stands between perception of what is underneath the desolate surface is your courage.
Dare to breach the surface and sink."
I've always had this want to explore into the desert. I guess for now, I can find places that will keep me captivated with plant life as in these photos.
"God takes everyone he loves through a desert. It is his cure for our wandering hearts, restlessly searching for a new Eden...
The best gift of the desert is God's presence... The protective love of the Shepherd gives me courage to face the interior journey."
Paul E. Miller
Bernards township, NJ
I'll still dream anyway....
a hand to hold
Whether a tear
or a smile
gets to shine
When the days can't hold enough hours of light,
When the nights are long and there's not a star in sight,
I'll meet you where your soul meets mine.
When through the light and the dark,
two separate lives become one,
through connection there's always magic to be found.
Nothing feels real here, the fever begins to take it's hold over me...
I'm beginning to fall into this world, like a vivid dream,
I can't tell if this is real, or if I am... Or, if I'm really even here...
Everything is beautiful, surrounded by vibrant colors i swear I've never seen. Strange feelings rushing through me, I can feel my soul trying to break out of it's human skin; I can taste the colors as they begin to move around me, it's as if they're trying to show me new places never touched. I can feel myself floating along with the early spring breeze hypnotized by the song of nature.
Schooley's Mountain, NJ
"Plans" album by
Death Cab For Cutie
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me and
Bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel what it's like to be new.
'Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station
where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
so they may have a chance of finding a place where they're
far more suited than here."
Death Cab For Cutie
Recently, I've found myself out and about exploring more which has led me with my camera in hand to dig back into my roots creatively. There's so much freedom in not having to worry about anything, but to capture images with whatever is there in front of me. To find ways to work with whatever is given to me. It's all been a whole different experience that I've fallen away from. It's given me peace of mind and a way to enjoy time without much else but nature to enjoy.
As I started to go through all of the recent images that I've captured, I couldn't get the song, "See you in the shallows," by thrice out of my head. Especially the line, "The water here is far to blue." It didn't mean much, but it stirred something in me when I started to see that I didn't and then couldn't remember the last time I shot any sort of 'real' and 'true' landscape photo. All the stuff you see all over social media that others are doing that seem to stand alone, just a beautiful and bright scene that would make anyone want to jump into a plane or car and go see in real life. And the more I kept wondering if these photos were real, the more that line rang around my mind.
Then... Some bunch of days later, I found myself listening to Death Cab For Cutie's album "Plans" I was feeling every line... Every note... Feeling music in a way that I feel like I haven't much enjoyed in it recently. I started looking through these photos again. I started feeling the peace that I felt standing above and sitting next to the rushing waters, climbing the rocks and sitting in the snow without feeling the cold. And it hit me: it doesn't matter how I go about getting the images or if I'm following any sort of given rules. But, the simple fact of it, it's that I don't look for your normal scenes or try to capture these images how others would; but, I'm really searching for the small things around me that portray small extensions of my soul. If I feel like I'm capturing that, than that's all that really matters. They're beauty and darkness will stand on their own. The true nature of things that are often overlooked.
"I hear the waves crash far below;
The rocks are leaping for the sky
They're starving for the air, for a bone to break,
A dream to smash apart, but I don't care
It looks deep enough from here, I'm diving
The water here is far to blue..."
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
- Martin Luther king Jr.
There's something magical about being apart of moments that you can feel the energy in and know they're something so much bigger than you. It didn't hit me until later on until I started looking through these the fact that it was a Saturday and these are what kids were putting their time and effort in. This is what kids feel they need to do today. That's where we are and it shouldn't be.
How fitting that a small break from reality and to grab some mental sanity would be to simply wander off into a snowstorm all the way down to the lake.
I wasn't sure if I'd end up with even one good photo from the adventure, I was just pushing my luck.
Somehow, trudgning across town on foot, getting beaten down by blinding snow gusts and wind that never stopped -
I walked up to the lake.
Everything a pure, brilliant and blinding white and in the middle - just open space. It didn't seem like a lake, just a dark whole. The closer I got, the waves of the lake slowly made an appearence uderneath the darkness of the storm hovering over it.
No photos will ever do it justice and no words I could find right now could explain the magic of the whole scene that I was walking into.
There's just something magical about making your way through fresh snow. It doesn't matter if you're driving or just walking through it.
Everything's covered and out of a fairy tale, like a coma state or purgatory - it all looks like a dream and feels like one.
To focus on whats around you. To breathe in deeply. To enjoy the moment. When you forget about everything else in the world and even the conditions feel as if they couldn't hold you down.
The amazing beauty that nature gives us in all of its forms is the greatest medicine.
The conditions were something else, but I just kept shooting and shooting.
Past the first few shots I got, I couldn't see anything going on with my camera. The plastic bag I had it in was becoming just as snow and water covered as I was, making it even harder to know if I was even capturing anything worth it, or if a single one would even show up not a blurry mess.
But, I simply didn't care.
I just kept shooting and shooting, until the weather finally got to me.
Also, above is my friend Ash. ( ashcapvisions.com )
Right before I stepped out the door, I texted her and said, " if you're not busy, I have to walk by your house in a little bit to grab some smokes... let's go to the lake."
Props to her for answering and being about it, ready to go as soon as I got over there!
It was good to just get out, battle new circumstances and just create to create. Just let my soul find some peace and balance in just making something, whatever might come out.
Not only am I really stoked on all these images and just the freedom felt of the other day, but - in the middle of facing the storm, especially getting right next to the lake - we somehow managed to throw together a quick and completely spontaneous concept that I'm excited to share (tomorrow's blog post).
It's amazing the blessings around us. I've been in a really strange spot for some months now, but these are the things that keep me feeling alive the most.
Thanks if you made it all the way through!
life can give death
a chance to reach me
I can do anymore damage
to myself or this world -
let my heart find whatever
that it may in search of.
Always feel like I'm caught in a dream, like a purgatory and everything - good or bad - feels the same.
It's like I'm forever sleeping even in waking life. It's like part of my soul disappeared, or maybe it's always been missing, I can't remember anymore.
I've been stuck in the middle of one long wave with no break in sight.
Lost somewhere in a hole; these nightmares, they're speaking to me in tongues. I'm riding on the wave watching the sky turn to fire. Asking myself, "do I want to make it out of here to see the light?" I'm just not sure if I'm up to being saved, because hell - it feels like home.
I've been getting these visits in the night and I've been speaking to the dead, they've been keeping me from completely unraveling. They've been reminding me that I still have more time left in a world that keeps throwing me away.
I'm ready to feel all of this.
It's in the places that we fear the most,
where we truly find out who we are.
That our darkness becomes our light.
A small self portrait series.
I am my wishes.
I am my dreams.
I am my good days.
I am my bad days, too.
I am all of my fears.
I am my deepest regrets.
I am always lost inside
of my head and that's
It can all feel so unfortunate,
the blessings are hidden
in starting over again.
what's one more,
after a thousand times before?