even in all the light, i'm still losing myself.

Model: Molly.
Manhattan, NYC.

I never felt as alive until I met you.
I also never felt as dead in my life.
As I watch the sky start to turn, light up another cigarette and wonder - what do I now?
What do I do with something I can't even understand myself?

Quick note: The other night, a great friend of mine asked what was with the photos I make - why the weird stances? Weird locations? Why/do I ever take normal photos of families or something? And all the such of that. While I know he supports me and has my back, I know he doesn't really understand what I do or my life choices and that's totally fine.
However, it did make me question things for a minute. While I already know that a lot of my work captures a strange mix of beauty and colors with underlying tones of what it is to be living with the things many people would rather not face. Things like the struggles of living with issues of depression, addiction, abuse, or anything that coincides with all of that.
The funny thing is, I don't really plan on going that way.
Actually, I never have too much of a plan to begin with. After everything is said and done - photos captured and edited and ready to go - I just go to work on it all and things just kind of go their own way. It was quite awhile of being frustrated on why, even when I tried to go other ways, it didn't feel right to me. I learned to not force it or question it anymore.
Today, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I think that this set is a perfect balance and representation of what it's like living with depression. The beautiful location of the bright pink building as the backdrop, but the overwhelming feeling of something being lost, or broken and isn't that what going through depression is? Or any of that? Surrounded by so much beauty and color in the world and knowing it, but still feeling so disconnected from it all. Like you're just a ghost trying to feel something, like you're stuck sleepwalking through life.